In my list of things to blog about I have one note entitled, very forlornly, ‘losing friends’.
I have never been the most extrovert or social person but I definitely did have a pretty solid group of friends before children. I had our first baby earlier than most of my peers (the day before my 27th birthday) so the first year or so of having a baby I was visited by friends in sort of shock and awe at the whole process. Basically they were happy to come and hold a baby / look at a baby but mostly didn’t really want to talk about babies (especially fantastically interesting topics like how much spit up after a feed is normal / why nipples are so sore at the start of breastfeeding etc) and definitely were no use to me on the advice front.
Our second baby arrived 2 years later and my ability to talk about / think about anything other than fantastically interesting topics like how to stop your 2 year old ignoring you, how to get your 2 year old to stop accidentally harming your baby – you get the picture – deteriorated quite drastically. My good friends hung on in there but even they were pretty bored of this whole thing now, I mean they were still in their late 20s having FUN! Sure, people were getting married but that meant getting smashed at hen dos and weddings and ideally doing that without someone following them around with leaky breasts and multiple children.
Added to that, my previously fair-to-average efforts at replying to texts/emails had morphed into poor-at-best, as every time I tried to use my phone someone cried/filled their nappy/fell down the stairs or I just plain forgot from sleep deprivation.
Enter a third pregnancy that involved 9months of continuous vomiting and the subsequent third child under 4 and, well you can see the trajectory. Let’s just say I didn’t have to buy such a large pack of Christmas cards.
But that’s ok! After having babies you get to meet lots of mum friends! This is true and I have made some amazing friends who I would never be without, but I do occasionally feel a bit bereft about the 10+year friendships that started to falter after my third baby.
2 years later (this year in fact!) and a fourth baby, plus a husband needing major surgery, plus an international house move and, well, mostly those friends would probably ignore my
All this to say, having 4 children in 6 years has some collateral impact on the rest of your life and relationships… but I wouldn’t trade it in. I love our big chaotic family. Wouldn’t mind a few old friends too though.